Statistics
Statistics
I know your fingers and retina provide unique prints when scanned. Aside from those and a few other features, you belong somewhere in statistics.
If we test your DNA, we will likely trace your parents. With the advancement of medicine, whole lineages and races are being tracked. Now, argue all you want about being a citizen of planet Earth — there is a part of the Earth you come from that is easily traceable.
Why does this count? Uniqueness is only a thing when we can find common ground. If everything about you is unique, you will none of ours (humans).
As a young girl looking for guidance, I will be at conferences and constantly get harassed with the “Who are you?” question. Some speakers would even say to exclude your name and find who you are at your core.
Dearest Sir/Ma,
If I were to go missing, no one would search for me from my core. I will merely be a 5 feet 5-inch Nigerian girl from Anambra State who has fluency in Yoruba Language and can easily pass off for a Yoruba girl.
When I am in danger, it is not the CV that I am traced with, but the statistics.
We live in a world where pop psychology has us on a treadmill chasing a version of us that is not missing.
Yes, childhood trauma tampered with our personality and the way we perceived work. Yet, our response to the trauma was uniquely us while simultaneously being the same way about 0.0002% of the human population would have responded. This is why researched techniques can work for thousands of people across different ethnic groups and races.
Maybe you are trying too hard to find yourself — You are not missing, but evolving.
In an interview on Sunday, I said “However, your marriage swings, it will be part of a statistic somewhere — the marriages that worked, the ones that failed, and the marriages that never happened”.
When you understand that at every level of life, you are a generous part of the data, you are less pressured to be at the top of anything — there is even a statistic of the 1%.
Our craze to be at the top of a list somewhere, gain an award somewhere, and be the outstanding one elsewhere has driven us to such levels of anxiety that we have formed newer data for people who neither sleep well nor have enough sex — how terrible is that?
Every transition you make merely moves you from one statistic to another — I know you want to be the unicorn, but it is what it is.
The question is if you have been choosing the statistics you are part of as an adult.
Trauma is very complex and painful (it should not be a yardstick for measuring people), yet I bet you there is someone on this planet with your exact kind of trauma who has not used that trauma as a clutch.
If you need data to validate your stagnancy, you will find. If you need data to inspire you to get out of a mess, you will find it.
Today, I want you to ask yourself where you are in the chart — creatively, professionally, sexually, locally, nationally, continentally and globally.
How the data affects your mind
Before I knew how to enter the wellness space, I had tried modelling for about a month (that was a right of passage for me to a degree), during which period, I had a model scout send me pictures of his penis, had to compete against my friend for a slot on the team and started to understand the power of advertising.
I spoke to an older photographer about it years later, who educated me about why some shoots were done in the morning, in cold environments, with certain facial expressions …etc.
Now, everything is not sexual, but you will be lying to yourself to tell me you have not found advertising that has sex appeal even when there was nothing sexual about the product.
I understand a deodorant bottle shaped like a penis because they want you to walk out the door feeling like the sexiest thing since the discovery of chocolate bars. But why are phone chargers about bums? It is simple — sex sells.
Right now, someone with a degree in psychology is studying algorithm data according to demography to craft adverts you cannot resist based on the things that appeal to you and the people in your demography.
The sooner you understand that you are susceptible to influence and there is a statistic to back up what influences you, the sooner you will learn how to protect your mind.
Like my experience with modelling, I discovered I was not the only one who got a penis picture they had to delete (apparently, it was something done to find, test and push your boundaries) — I wish I were wise enough to call this out when it happened instead of just walking away.
Where are you getting influenced without your consent because you are unaware of how you contribute to the statistic?
You are just data.
Today, I am not reminding you that you are enough, are powerful, and are the real deal (I do that every day). You need to know that there is a flipside —days you are weak, do not feel like yourself, do not feel appreciated and loved. Today’s article is for those days.
Some people will only show up in your life on those days to sell you what they know you are susceptible to.
- Some of us will buy the social media banter that is carefully curated by the algorithms to steal hours of our lives as we mindlessly scroll and lose touch with what is happening in reality.
- For some others, it is the opportunity to finally lambast someone on the other side of social media whose unique details we do not know.
- For some, it is a fraudulent brand claiming you can lose weight you gained in twelve years in three hours or get a magic potion to make your penis larger than you can pray for or your vagina tighter than your partner can walk away from.
- For some, it is the promise of beastly strength and productivity even if you have been sleep deprived for fifty days.
Whatever it is, understand these people (whether brands or individuals) in those moments do not see your humanity but merely see you as a number on a chart.
Protecting your mind
It is not the duty of the Bureau of Statistics to protect your mind or the job of algorithms — it is your job.
- Stop lying about what you are susceptible to (at least to yourself and your therapist).
- Track yourself to identify what kind of information takes you down a hole.
- Know what you are healing from so you can tell the algorithms not to send those messages.
- Know the statistics in your life that cannot be changed (place of birth, skin…etc.)
- Choose the statistics you want to belong to and live deliberately.
- Live with generational healing in mind.
- Know when the message is providing a quick fix versus a long-term solution — there is good stuff online too.