Abused Bosses

Abused Bosses

You and I have heard stories every week from subordinates who talk about toxic work cultures and HR Managers who destroy the organization. What is rarely talked about are the times the subordinate is the abuser.

It is easier for a person in power to abuse those they lead. Yet, it is not abnormal for that scenario to be reversed.

Oxford languages defines abuse as the improper use of something; misuse. It also defines abuse as treating with cruelty or violence, especially regularly or repeatedly.

Verbal Abuse

In most environments, the authority figure can mete out physical and tangible punishment, such as firing a staff, filing a query, demoting a staff, etc. If they cannot do that, their authority is questionable — they will have no ability to enforce the written laws.

A subordinate does not have that type of power. Therefore, when a subordinate is dissatisfied, they have to negotiate their way out of a situation, appeal to consciences or find higher powers to negotiate on their behalf.

On most occasions, most subordinates do not take that high road — they recruit other people to fight the leader with them. This is where reputation destruction begins.

Reputation destruction is a punishment usually meted out on people we cannot or will not confront. It is done with the sole intention of ruining their relationships and causing ostracism.

This is done through gossiping or deliberately leaking confidential news you are privy to. If successful, this can tarnish a person’s reputation across an organization or industry.

This is verbal abuse at its peak, except the person being abused may not be aware and may never defend themselves until the situation escalates.

A superior is not insulated from verbal abuse. If anything, those in positions of power are more likely to be victims of verbal abuse.

Reverse Delegation

In ideal settings, responsibilities are distributed based on skills and job descriptions. This means you will have to learn on the job every few months.

Unfortunately, many people want salaries (benefits) without the responsibilities. In most organizations, leaders work tirelessly to climb the ladder— every team flaw is a personal failure to the team lead.

This means they are less likely to manage any failure and would quickly fix whatever is out of place.

Subordinates abuse this by deliberately sabotaging the team, leaving their responsibilities undone and reversing what was delegated to them — it goes back to the leader.

This additional workload takes more of the leader’s time, deprives them of personal relationships and can sabotage their mental health over time.

Perhaps a cranky leader is the creation of irresponsible subordinates.

Neglect

Factually, many leaders cannot be corrected as they are “above the law” in their daily engagement. However, that is not true for all leaders (team players).

Yet, it is not abnormal for subordinates to neglect the humanity of their leaders and only show up when they think there is a benefit attached to it.

In the article Love Needs a Nap, we establish how hyper-productivity can sometimes be a cry for help.

• Would you do something if your friend absorbs as much toxicity as your leader?
• Would you do something if your partner was half as cranky and exasperated as your leader?
• Would you do something if your friend sabotaged their relationship by taking on too much work?

You will not do anything about your leader because they are not humans you are invested in. Therefore, it is okay for them to die and fizzle out in your presence.

Your inability to call your leader out when they are wrong (even if you have access to them and have their ears) comes from not caring about them. So, you neglect them and call it “staying in your lane”.

Wasted Trust

When a leader delegates responsibility or calls you into a confident position, it is a call inspired by trust or necessity — we do not realize the emotional tussle before that call is made.

When you leave your leader high and dry, you reinforce their fears, doubts, and hurts. You cause them to question their leadership, timing and judgment.

Your leader is developing trust issues because you are sabotaging them!

To every good leader, team success affects their personal success. For leaders dealing with self-esteem issues and identity crises, team success equals personal success.

You need to understand that your leaders could be recovering from trauma just like you are. Wasting a person’s trust does not look like abuse until you realize how that can quickly spiral downward into triggering all forms of previous trauma.

Have you ever wondered if your leader acting controlling is an abandonment coping mechanism like your clinginess in your romantic relationship?

Reverse Control

This happens when a subordinate uses the information they are privy to as a tool to gaslight, emotionally blackmail and sabotage their leaders.

It can be as little as deliberately triggering a leader during meetings to make them look unprofessional or as large as selling out Company or personal information to third parties with the sole intention of subverting a leader.

Some subordinates have gone as far as sexually attempting to control their leaders via seduction, scandals and even blackmail…the list goes on.

Reverse control happens when a subordinate attempts to control their leader (and their benefits) without intending to bear the risks, responsibilities or failures the leader is susceptible to daily.

This can be as little as a subordinate manipulating other staff so they get praise for the leader’s work or even grandstanding in front of superiors to thwart their direct leaders.

These manipulations are an abuse of a leader’s humanity.

Signs you are abusing your leaders

1. You slander them behind their back.
2. You will never negotiate a conflict with them — you are more comfortable discarding the relationship.
3. You will never tell them when they are wrong — you are more comfortable with sharing that information with others.
4. You always have a story for why you did not come through when something is delegated to you — that story never comes until the deadline.
5. You are always planning your exit strategy for when the ship sinks.
6. You do not see or hear the humanity of your leader (because you are never present when speaking with them).
7. You do not see how your actions and behaviour trigger theirs.
8. You are manipulative and are beginning to usurp your leader’s place.
9. You always have a counter strategy for your leader’s plans.