When we were younger, there was a crazy phenomenon that was rampant: falling in love with your bestie’s brother. It didn’t happen for me, but I always found it interesting to watch.

Every time it happened, the sisters always had the same reaction “that’s my brother? Are you sure?” When it happened to the boys, they had a slightly different reaction “don’t you dare get close to my sister!”.

We don’t realise it as adults, but we still have those same responses to the people we know: we become familiar with them and dismiss their awesomeness, or we overprotect and sabotage their opportunities.

We are very likely to have both responses with very close friends and family members we have access to. On both counts, our access is useless in romantic value to these people because our proximity to them is not useful on the subject.

In fact, we go a step further and pray with them, saying things like “God will do it” or “Go out more”.

When I asked people to pray to be matchmakers, the prayers had over 100% less engagement than when I asked people to ask God for a Matchmaker. Why? We don’t realise people are like us: drinking water and minding their business.

The same way you are disregarding and overprotecting your people from love, that is how other people are responding too. So, we are all single but not connecting.

Threads and Instagram are my favourite social media accounts and every few days, someone makes a “Dear Future Husband/Wife” post and 100 people would like the post, 20 people of the opposite gender will get into the comment section and type “God will do it for you, keep your eyes open, I am believing with you, I am also trusting God for my person”.

While it is a content type people churn out because the algorithm rewards it with engagement, it is also a reflection of a deeper problem; people don’t know how to meet or introduce themselves to potential partners.

So, let’s resolve that with a simple friend swap.

The next time you sit with a friend (Friend A), ask them honestly if they were being unbiased, which of your friends/family will they take on a date? Their response will help you see if Friend A actually likes someone you already have access to. That way, you can play matchmaker.

Flip that over

Ask your friend to tell you about all their single friends. Listen for the admiration and respect they use to describe each of these single men/women. Stack it with a backup question: what kind of spouse would you recommend for each of them? Stack 3: Which of them do you think would be a good fit for me?

Why did you need to stack up the questions? You needed to help them jog their memory in case they had become too familiar with anyone.

Finally, deal with this idea that I don’t want to share my friend…bla…bla…bla. If your friend is a great friend and your friendship is amazing, wouldn’t you enjoy the benefit of a potential date that has been tried and trusted?

Don’t get in your own way – ask for a friendship swap: introduce your friends and let your friends introduce you.

Bye! Go and date in real life and stop reading about it