Stamina

Stamina

During my last conference, I was talking about the body required for the life you dream of when I said, “To have great sex, you need strength, stamina and flexibility”.

My team made a graphics design out of it for social media, which allowed me to read that one sentence in isolation multiple times. Eventually, I started to question where that principle was also applicable.

Strength and Stamina

According to the Oxford languages, strength is the quality or state of being physically strong. Strength is also the capacity of an object or substance to withstand great force or pressure.

When we look at these and their subcategory definitions, we find strength as power, influence, intensity, extent of, potency, and speed.

We also find strength used in mental and emotional contexts as the ability to withstand distress.

By these definitions, mental resilience, a can-do attitude, and the power to show up after a loss or failure are within the strength package.

In that case, we have likely built strength but with a short-term focus.

I returned to the gym about two years ago to people lifting heavy weights (I absolutely cannot yet) and was intrigued. But I also noticed how quickly they always flung the weight. I was curious about how long they could hold up in a challenge.

According to the Cambridge Dictionary, Stamina is the physical or mental strength to do something for a long time, esp. something difficult.

Can you do it for a long time? Whatever you are working on (emotionally, professionally, sexually, and mentally), can you do it for a long time?

During coaching, I have students who want to take twenty short courses in two months, but I know they will not make it — they do not have the muscles required for that weight.

They will have to sacrifice everything that works in their lives to pull that weight in two months. This will cause a strain on their routines — that tension will make them quit faster or sabotage the functional things.

However, the alternative is to add a few hours of reading and coursework to their regular week (sacrificing a little over a long period). It is additional work that looks small and feels easy at the beginning — the weight does not show until much later when they would have started to adjust and are less likely to abandon it.

You think you need to carry a lot for a while when in reality, you need to carry slightly more for a very long time.

Stamina produces the results even if strength looks better.

Strength and Stamina (mental).

Every day, we find at least one piece of content on mental health online with a vast majority of them being about cutting off and avoiding triggers. Eventually, we are also building a culture of avoidance.

If we were ever boxed into conflict, we would have no strength to power through the conversation. If we were in long-term relationships, we would have no mental stamina or willingness to fix whatever breaks as we go — we would opt out.

Our inability to retain long-term relationships romantically and professionally is strongly connected to our lack of mental stamina.

With friendships, this can even be more tedious because the benefits of friendships are obscure for a while, unlike work where you get paid in thirty days.

Unfortunately, friendships require a high level of vulnerability and confrontations to deepen the relationship as you navigate different upbringings, past hurts, heartbreaks, fears and trauma. There are no shortcuts in friendships — no sexual highs, no salaries, no butterflies…just decisions.

Again, you are strong and can stand your ground in a one-off conversation. The question is if you can stand your ground and fight for love.

Strength and Stamina (sexual).

Romantic partners are always looking to explore sexually. This means varying sex styles will be explored. Strength without stamina means you can lift your partner but are likely to experience muscle weakness and spasms halfway through. In a terrible situation, you could get a muscle pull.

While this is significantly true for men, it applies to positions where the woman determines the pace, like the popular cowgirl position. An inability to control your thigh muscles for a certain number of minutes can induce discomfort, perfusion and numbness (if you insist).

Stamina and Flexibility

The image above is the bridge pose and can morph into a sex position. It is safe to call Bridge a sexercise. The first time I saw it, I thought, “Why would anyone want to have sex in that position?”

That was over nine years. Now, I have a different question, “Why would anyone not want to see what their body is capable of?”

I am not that flexible. Writing here is also accountability to learn and teach as I go.

If you have stamina only in certain positions, you will become rigid as it will be your safe space, and you will hate to feel like an idiot elsewhere.

Many people only focus on their careers because that is the only place they have mental and situational stamina — they would not know what to do if their relationships were messed up.

If you want great sex for an extended number of years, you will need strength, stamina and flexibility to try out new positions.

While at it, be careful not to hurt the penis when it is erect — that is an avoidable medical emergency.