A few weeks back, a random person (content creator) whose name I merely knew from social media crossed my mind and in a split second, my recollection included this person in a boxer. I was shocked — I SHOULDN’T HAVE THAT INFORMATION! Where did I get it from? Then I remembered that they had posted it and the quote attached was so wise I read the quote multiple times which meant, I saw that picture, multiple times.

Well, why does it matter?

As a business person, I have heard the taglines “show the process, invite your audience into the process” and more. As a therapist, I talk about openness and vulnerability a lot but what people do not seem to realize is that these pieces of advice do not belong to everyone! They don’t!

When I was about 15/16 years old, buying anyone an undergarment was asking them out. Well… Don’t you want to see how good it looks on them? Didn’t you picture how amazing it would look on them? Didn’t your ambition for how you wanted them to look in your gift versus what they really would like conflict in your head and you came to a compromise at the time of purchase?

Unfortunately, there are no restricted accesses in 2023.

What makes us special (as a couple) if there is nothing we share that the world has not shared with us?

One problem of social media is the eradication of boundaries. Everything is content — loving your partner, fighting with them, figuring them out, discussing with them etc. We do not have boundaries!

We cannot tell people to get their noses out of our business when our business is in their faces!

There is nothing significant about a significant other who has nothing significant to share with you. Really, there is not.

Be honest — what parts of you will the world never see because it belongs only to those you love — your partner, kids and immediate family?

This is not even about your body parts — this is about all of you as a person. What parts of you scream ACCESS RESTRICTED?

What parts of you do people access only because they have paid a price? That price can be time, emotions, advice, conflict, conversations, investing in your personal development, etc.

As a therapist, I understand people refusing to put their eggs in one basket. I understand the fear that promotes it and I understand the pride attached to it.

However, I will be doing you a disservice if I do not also bring to light the complexities and the disadvantages, especially with romantic relationships.

Have you ever bought tickets to be at an event only to realize there was an exclusive event (you could financially afford) yet, you missed it because you did not know any insider to update you?

Why do you think:

VIP tickets, exclusive lounges and luxury products and experiences exist?

dividing the aeroplane into classes exists?

Hotels have various suites and price points?

Businesses have products for the masses differently?

Because exclusivity sells!

When you study the six psychological human needs, you find — the need to be significant.

While everyone has a primary and secondary need out of the six, everyone still needs the other four at varying degrees.

This is not an attempt to box you and kill your shine but an invitation to review how you approach relationships (romantic, familial and parental)

Can your friends trust you to keep what they tell you in confidence?

Can your partner be assured that they will not ever have to compete with your job or someone of their gender?

Can your children trust that your relationship with them is individualistic and you are not comparing them?

A relationship is less attractive when you do not figure out how to give your partner (lover, friend, sibling, child) a certain level of exclusivity that makes them feel significant when they are with you.

If you attempt to be accessible and exclusive to everyone, you will burn out or you will keep withdrawing from the deposits made by your great relationships to service the ones that drain you.

Go check out brands that claim to have luxury for the crowd — someone else pays those bills.

You cannot afford to burn out because

1. you need yourself
2. there are people who really love you
3. there are people who need you and are willing to serve you the way you serve them.

RESTRICT THE ACCESS