Interpreting Silence

Interpreting Silence

Every few weeks, I get to meet someone who walks out of a room hurt or keeps quiet when irritated — they all look the same but are not the same.

Sometimes, silence is a show of frustration begging for this confrontation to stop because conflict is a trigger. Other times, it is a boundary marker that says this conversation is not worth my energy.

Silence is an intriguing concept because the meaning changes with every situation.

In public speaking, silence is the space between a powerful point and another so people can meditate on the words. In this context, the weight of what was spoken is only as powerful as the silent moment after it.

In relationships, this technique is advisable when trying to be assertive — you want to be heard but importantly, be understood.

In a meeting, silence can easily be an agreement with what everyone else has said instead of unnecessarily elongating the meeting. That is why a vote requires a show of hands and no speech.

We have seen this significantly abused between adults and children when a child is under compulsion to keep quiet and agree with the adult. The implication of that era was adults who mastered the art of burying their opinions.

In a group conversation, silence can be perceived as the absence of opinion. However, the reverse can be a power move where the silent person assesses how intelligent and articulate the speakers are.

As with all known power moves, silence has been abused in communal settings to say “You are not intelligent enough for me to respond to you”.

In a romantic setting, it is tricky to let your partner talk all the time as it leaves a hanging question around your attention and your assessment of this person.

In a confrontation, silence can be received as the admittance of guilt to whatever caused the standoff. This is deeply hurtful for people who do not like defending themselves because they appear guilty.

In a romantic setting, accusatory questions are bound to set your partner on the defensive leaving you with a partner who is ready for a fight or one who emotionally walks away into silence.

In a professional setting, the silent treatment can be a class act with you avoiding trouble from the powers that be. However, it also might be the beginning of your quiet quitting.

While that technique might have de-escalated one situation, it could quickly spiral downward if interpreted as an admittance of guilt or any myriad of options you left them to choose from.

Romantically, this is called the silent treatment — you punish your partner with your presence because they have you but simultaneously do not have you. Consistency of this behaviour might leave you one day with an escalated break-up or a partner who has quietly quit you.

In a familial setting, it is natural for differing opinions to fill the room giving you ample time to choose silence as your technique for articulating your thoughts instead of opening your mouth and soliloquizing.

This is also an effective strategy professionally and romantically. The chaos here begins when you allow your train of thought to stray from the present conversations and become occupied with something else such that you do not contribute again.

This is also highly efficient when you are emotional but have to speak articulately. Silence is powerful for internal processing as you do not want your angry or hurt assumptions to take centre stage. When done correctly, this technique is the thin line between ‘the silent treatment’ and ‘the careless treatment’.

In everyday life, chaos is always manifest — silence is a great way to avoid chaos that can disrupt us.

In a professional setting, this can look like the avoidance of office gossip and slanders of the executives and in a romantic setting, it can be the calculated attempt to not take sides with anyone your partner has an altercation with because you know they will resolve it.

In an intellectual setting, silence can be interpreted as timidity when it is consistent. These settings can be academic or professional and sincerely intimidating. However, an inability to say something once or twice a year will be interpreted unconsciously as a lack of opinion or intimidation by those around you.

In friendship circles, silence is easily the home of the introverts — the balance to the chaos the extroverts bring. In these places, the introvert is the voice of reasoning. The silence here has no other interpretation but that of a home.

Being silent is thus a right everyone has access to and should use as long as it is used in context with no room for misinterpretations.

Silence is a tool for protecting your mental health. As you go into the week, use your silence.