Recently, I was thinking about a bill I did not have the funds to pay while talking to a friend. An alert came through that covered the bill. Almost immediately, I became chatty.

It was not that I could not talk to them before; I was preoccupied with a problem money could have solved. When the problem was solved, that despair gave way and I had the emotional energy to focus on my friend.

Later that night as I went to bed, I wondered

How many men were sexually unavailable because they were preoccupied with financial burdens?

How many women were too tired to show up in the bedroom because they finished the day’s energy on chores money could pay for?

How many marriages were going to crash in the next one year because of untamed financial chaos?

I know I am thinking like a therapist and since I love sex so much, my thoughts went to the bedroom first but how many times have we generally missed moments because of our financial status?

I would not call myself materialistic but I have certainly been plagued by financial needs – the many times I turned down bonding opportunities because I was afraid I would not meet the bar

Make a little money, make a lot of money then, make some extra because you really cannot do much after all the talking if you cannot fund what you talk about.

Social currency is a real deal! Yet, it takes money to enter and sustain some of those circles. So, do not even be ashamed of yourself for doing the legal work required to build your financial records.

Making extra money to pay for responsibilities that can be delegated is sexually wise.

However, is it possible to abuse that? Yes! When you forget money is a tool and not the goal. When the euphoria of having money exceeds the usage of the money.

We all know people get angry when they are broke right? Some others even get anxious. So, imagine my shock six years back when I realised some people got anxious from the sheer thought of money leaving their account. These people are not “poor/broke”. They just fear losing money. It is almost as if a part of their identity will go missing with their account.

It is not abnormal to hear of people who died wealthy but no one knew because they hid the money. It is also not abnormal to hear of people who have money but are miserly to the point of sabotaging their relationships.

Understand these three things though

1. Provision will not substitute presence

Some social scientists are of the opinion that millennials will pick professional promotion over a romantic relationship — which is totally fine. If you are in a relationship, however, understand that meeting financial needs does not automatically cover sexual starvation.

2. There is no need to make money only to live like you don’t

The economy of the world has been spiking at alarming rates. This means people are taking on multiple jobs, projects, and businesses. Romantically, partners are spending more time away from each other.

When you are together though, do you emotionally show up? Do you delegate and pay for stuff so the remaining hours are used correctly?

3. Money will always be used to buy orgasms

Think of sex workers — they need money, you need orgasms. The more money you have, the more orgasm sellers you will find for both men and women.

The art (I call it an art because it does take a lot of creativity to sell sex to people who are sexually desensitized by all the free sexual content) of selling sex for money always was even before the advent of digital media and it will be even if we shut down all digital media platforms.

I know you are wondering how this concerns you since you are not looking for sex workers to hire. Well… If you work hard for your money with the intention of having more time to rest, chances are it will show — It will show that you care about yourself and your family, that you put in a lot of work and in how you carry yourself

Generally speaking, you will be attractive — the process of self-discipline makes a person highly attractive.

…And that is where you have a new problem — people want attractive things. They will lie to get it, they will scheme to get it, they will be manipulative — whatever it takes! If there is an access point, they will find it.

Know this and know peace: there will always be someone somewhere who is willing to fight to get you or your partner — they might not want you for the long term but it is worth the shot to them.

I said all these not to scare you but to let you know that after you have traded your money for time and after you have ensured you do not overly follow money you must build a defence because you are now more attractive.

It will be silly to assume this only happens to men. Nope!

As long as the substitute (the romantic intruder) has something to offer that one party in the relationship needs (especially when it is becoming a priority and their partner does not offer it), the substitute always has access

It is your duty to block every access a substitute can come through because your money and your glow in your relationship magnets external forces.

Do not assume your money alone is a shield; money is a magnet and sex will always stand at your door even when you are not looking for it.