Loved: slow down for Love to catch up

My girl inspired this post yesterday after spending three hours on the phone with me catching up. When we dropped the call, I realized I had exhausted my break and had not finished the document I was working on.

As I sat down to type, I realized my thoughts were articulated from speaking with her. I looked slower by staying on a call instead of using my meditation break appropriately when someone else who cared about my idea enough to let me bounce it off them was all I really needed.

It left me wondering how frequently we miss out on being filled because we are busy being highly productive. Productivity is not the problem (do not take this out of context and be lazy — I still met my deliverable); our inability to realize we can be productive in more places than professionally is the problem.

I often say that no one can brag about being there for my mentor as I can — it is a cardinal reason I do not subscribe to too many mentors at once because I want these relationships to be productive.

How many of your relationships are productive?

1. Do they produce tranquillity?
2. Do they produce courage?
3. Do they produce speed?
4. Do they produce ease and efficiency?
5. Do they produce opportunities?
6. Do they produce healing?
7. Do they multiply your results?

It was this same friend I spoke with last year about my new business expansion while being apologetic for being good at too many things who said “Liza, it is okay to be the octopus”.

That conversation was worth more than any coaching session I could have sat through — this was my friend permitting me even though she knew what it was costing me to show up!

Now, I will show up with or without permission. However, having permission means respect, acceptance, encouragement and more human resources.

This morning while wondering how to word this piece, I told another friend that the plan I was working on last night was comprehensive and we needed locations. In about twenty minutes, the young lady was already talking about getting a specific place at no cost.

Again, the problem is not your efficiency or productivity but your unwillingness to slow down and let love catch up with you.

I keep saying ‘slow down’ because explaining your idea to someone takes time when you could do it yourself. However, if you explain correctly, this person might take the responsibility from you.

The hardest part of delegation is not the task but the ability to calmly articulate and transfer your concept and goals to someone else. This is considerably difficult for many of us both professionally and familially because:

1. We do not trust anyone but ourselves
2. We do not expect anyone else to get it and be as intelligent
3. We lack the patience
4. We do not want to make corrections and teach
5. We fear being replaced
6. We derive identity from being ‘the efficient one’.
7. We are more concerned about right now than we are about the long haul
8. We fear being abandoned. So, we always want the reins.

How to let love catch up with you

Love is not something losers have. So, if the thought of slowing down for love scares you, remind yourself that only winners have love-filled places to return to.

1. Build solid relationships you can trust with your vulnerabilities: everyone should not be in your inner circle.
2. Value those relationships: great relationships are costly — do not disregard the privilege you get.
3. Tell them when you need help: they are not mind readers. Be humble enough to tell them you need help.
4. Fight to keep those healthy relationships: fight for time, sanity, emotions, health, everything!
5. Be comfortable with ignorance: it is okay for them to know more than you or even be experts where you are lacking.
6. Give feedback: my people never doubt that I love having them around. So, when I am unavailable, they do not worry. Give feedback often.

This weekend, catch up with Love.